hard decisions in life

I'm graduating soon, and the other day figured I would go to the career fair at school to see what was being offered. There was one company there that had potential, but wasn't really in my field. I gave them my resume, but didn't really think much of it.

I received a call back from that company on Friday for a possible job interview. I was excited. I kept thinking of how we MIGHT be able to pay off the car, and some student loans, and pay for graduate school, etc. Money has been tight around here for a while. It's amazing how expensive kids are, and how expensive everything has become. But there was a sense of uneasiness in the back of my mind. I tried talking it up to family, trying to get myself excited about it. But I just wasn't. Part of me was dreading calling them back about a job interview. I kept thinking about the cost of full-time daycare for two children, and part time for one. How was I going to get Hyrum to school? I'd have to quit choir and teaching piano. I wouldn't be able to do graduate school if I'm working full time. And what about when the kids get sick? There's 4 of them, and it seems that usually one of them gets sick. The house would never be clean. And even if I made the same amount as Isaac makes, it would all be going into day care for three children. But there is the possibility of paying back some loans too.....

I was just about to call the man back, when the baby woke up. I played with him for a moment while I silently prayed for guidance. I know we should be working to get out of debt and become more stable financially. But I also know that really truely, I need to be home with my kids. Going to a baby sitters for a couple hours two or three times a week is one thing. Being gone from 8-5 every single day is another.

So I am going to continue being a stay at home mom. I have 4 little boys who need their mom right now. I'm going to continue trying to get into graduate school, and I'm going to study hard once I get in. Perhaps I'll work part time as a TA. Perhaps I'll get more piano students. But I don't think that school and a full time job is a good thing for my kids right now. My goal is to hold off on working full time for a few more years. At least untill Enoch is in Kindergarten or first grade, and I only have to pay for one child to go to preschool.

I just made the hard decision to be a stay at home mom. And despite the looming student loans that will be due next year, it feels like the right decision.